I came home last night from my Mother’s Day rounds with those Boy-Where-Has-The-Time-Gone? Blues. My mother is going to be 90 this summer. My brother is going to be 60! Which means I’m going to be, gulp, 59.

This melancholy comes on top of my decision this past week to finish Another Fine Night at the Zauberwald, the non-mystery I’m writing, by the end of August, so I can get on with the next mystery. I don’t have to finish it by then. I could set it aside and until the new mystery is finished, like I did with The Unraveling of Violeta Bell, but I need to get Zauberwald done!

So, my combined melancholy and panic has produced the following chronologicalization© of my fiction writing life. Unless I am still writing when I’m 96, I have been writing fiction for more years than I have left.

1966: The Yellow Hall
A novel I started after reading Catcher in the Rye in high school. I quit after two pages.

1972: The Deadfish Drinking Cup
A horrible satirical hippie novel I wrote while working as a newspaper reporter—it was rejected by everyone.

1976: Cool Hooting
A short novel about a small town storekeeper who dreams of being a jazz clarinet player – rejected by everyone.

1985: Winter Away
An epic fantasy novel about ants that took me eight years to finish – it got rejected left and right.

1989: The Spider Stone
A rewrite of Winter Away – still rejected left and right.

1990: Tendril
My first screenplay attempt – it was a quarterfinalist in the Nichol Fellowship competition sponsored by the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences.

1991: Going to Chicago
My second screenplay – it didn’t make it out the first round in the Nichol competition, but it drew the interest of a young independent producer who pitched it all over town. Alas, nobody was interested.

1992: Forever Yours
My third screenplay – I still think this is one of the best things I’ve ever written. My Hollywood agent still has it on his shelf somewhere. Someday I’ll turn it into a woo-woo mystery series–maybe.

1993: Tendril
A fantasy novel version of the screenplay-–no takers.

1993: Big Liz
A screenplay started but stopped after 20 pages or so.

1994: The Emerald Eunuch
A 100,000-word fantasy novel nobody wanted.

1996: Going to Chicago
Literary novel based on the earlier screenplay – it actually sold! I was now a published author.

1997: Scout’s Honor
Prequel to Going To Chicago – never got past an outline.

1996: Teasel
Young Adult version of the earlier fantasy novel based on my screenplay–nobody interested.

1998: Serendipity Green
Second published literary novel. This is the one optioned by the film company just this spring.

1999: Zazacoo’s Throne
Fantasy novel started but aborted after 1,500 words. First person narration by a female turkey vulture wasn’t working.

2002: Fresh Eggs
Third literary novel published.

2003: Morgue Mama
First mystery published.

2003: Five Days to Petrolia
A literary novel nobody wanted.

2004: The Goodhues
Literary novel aborted after 20,000 words. Great characters. No story.

2005: Dig
Second Morgue Mama mystery.

2006: Another Fine Night at the Zauberwald
A literary novel still being written.

2007: The Unraveling of Violeta Bell
Third Morgue Mama mystery.

Now, here some of the unwritten stories buzzing about in my brain:

If You’ve got an Itch . . .
Working title for the next Morgue Mama.

Stealing Wheelbarrows
Working title for the first Yobisc Podka mystery.

Exit 6
Literary novel I outlined and almost started writing before setting it aside for Zauberwald. I will definitely do this one some day.

Bicycle Bob: Crazy idea.
Cemetery Bend: Crazy idea.
The American Wankers: Very crazy idea.
Theophany: Crazy idea
Whole Wheat: Novel I outlined and should have written instead of Five Days to Petrolia.

A Bear-like Creature: A very good idea for a screenplay.