Who decided that olives needed processing? They do, you know. You can’t just pick an olive from a tree because it has a terrible taste and it’s practically unchewable. So it’s processed. With lye. Yes, the same stuff you use to clear out a clogged drain. And you can’t put the lye mixture in a metal pan because it will leach out the zinc and eat the pan. So what crazy, irrational person first decided to put olives in a lye mixture?
And then…did this person say “I think I’ll eat that olive now that all the lye is in it?” Probably. And that person died moments later. So apparently one of his buddies came along and said…”mmm, maybe we should soak the lye OUT of the olive.” And that would have been a good thing. In fact, if you do it right, the instructions say ‘Change the water and soak 6 hours in fresh cold water, repeating four times a day for 4-8 days, until there is no lye taste.’ You think?
It just amazes me that someone actually figured out it took lye to make a decent green olive. And then…figured out that you had to soak it all back out again.

And what about tapioca. Are you aware that it’s poisoness? That the Mayan’s used the cyanide in tapioca for their spear tips? What idiot decided to try tapioca as a food product? And when he died, wouldn’t you think that his pals would have stayed away from the killer weed?
No. Somebody buried him, then said…”Well, maybe if we cook it the cyanide will go away.”

I’m glad these people figured all this out. There are dozens of fruits and vegitables that go through all kinds of preperation before they’re ready for us to eat. Cranberrys? Ever try one of those raw? Who ever tried that and said…”You know, with a lot of sugar, some serious cooking, some more sugar and some more cooking, this might actually be good?” Somebody did.

And shellfish. A lot of people are allergic to shellfish. So one of the first fisherman ate a shrimp…probably with the shell on, his throat swelled up, he couldn’t breath and he died on the spot. One of his fisherman friends saw this and said…”I believe I’ll try this and see if the same thing happens to me.” And, thank God, it didn’t. So today some of us can eat shellfish.

Excuse me if this sounds like an Andy Rooney type column, but I’m just very intrigued with the unknown heroes who actually figured out, in very perverse ways, how to make our food selection so diverse. Thanks to all of you. Especially the ones who died in the process.