Yes, yes, yes, I got the topcoat. But there was a final plot twist in the story. As you surely remember, Carol took back the coat they sent her because it was the wrong size, a 46 long. And so she took it back and got a 48 long. As it turned out, the 48 long was too big for ‘ol C.R. So after Christmas we took it back and I got the 46 long.

As for my gift for her, she was completely bamboozled. I’d put just one package under the tree for her. It was clearly a clothing box. And when she shook it, it didn’t rattle. The way a sweater doesn’t rattle. But when she opened it –it was a new cordless computer mouse!

So dumb and disappointing was this gift that she couldn’t even look at me. She just stared at the mouse with her mouth open and her head filled not with visions of sugarplums but with a loaded revolver or perhaps a sledgehammer capable of bludgeoning the biggest bonehead in the universe. “This is what you got me?” she finally squeaked.

“Yes,” I beamed. “Great isn’t it? It’s cordless! I figured you could use it with your new laptop.”

Now she looked at me. Her lips began to quiver. “Llllllllllaptop?” She searched under the tree. Scanned the living room like one of those big owls that can do a 360 with their head.

“No laptop here,” I said. “But if you were going to have a laptop, where would you keep it?”

She levitated into the spare bedroom where her little desk is set up. And there was her shiny black laptop, with a big red bow on top and a beautiful Christmas scene on the screen.

Am I a great husband or what?

And for the record, the laptop cost 31/2 times what the topcoat cost. Not that the price of a gift is important, of course. But it does set me up nicely for a whopper of a gift next year. I’m thinking big screen TV. And I can get by with buying her a couple of new Teflon cookie sheets or something.

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!